I Am a Weenie

I’m a weenie.

It’s true. Sure, I can charge into a brick wall (i.e. Tongan) and take him down in a rugby match, but if there’s a wasp in my kitchen, I am unable to maneuver a plastic cup to its position on a  wall, enclose it in, and deliver it from our home.

My wife can, but I, as we have already discussed, am a weenie.

It’s not that I’m afraid of getting stabbed by the critter’s butt. That’s fine (sort of not really no). It has to do more with the way it creeps along the inside window, clicking and buzzing as it moves. And then, to make matters worse, it started cleaning its legs, probably so it could mutilate me more easily when I came nearer.

I tried to capture the thing, I really did! But every time I moved closer to it, the wasp would likewise move. Sure, it was slow and it probably had no idea I was even there, but I could sense its evil plan inside its evil shell of a body.

So I freaked out a little bit and took a step (i.e. leap) backwards.

My wife, finding me an embarrassment to my kind, transferred the kid she was holding into my arms, took the plastic cup away from me, and with the lithe grace of a ninja she captured that buzzing beast. She enclosed the wasp underneath the cup, slid a piece of paper underneath, and then with those ninja-like moves, she took the cup and paper outside and released the devilish fiend out into the wild (sorry, neighbor kids).

Then she demanded my man card.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Big huge dudes charging me down are scary, but they’re not the creepy and icky kind of scary that wasps are. There’s just something about insects that make my skin crawl. Some people don’t like cardboard (I’m looking at you, Sister-in-Law). Others have a thing against feet (which is a difficult one considering that person has feet).

Me? I get a little nervous around insects. So what? It’s just one of those quirks that makes me, well, me. Is it embarrassing? Yes! Do I wish I could get over that fear? If it doesn’t involve coming in contact with bugs, then of course! Will I let it stop me from being the big, burly protector of my home?

Apparently.