Imposter syndrome is, simply put, when someone doubts themselves (and their work) and is afraid of being revealed as a fraud.
Ironically, the first tweet I saw as soon as I made this here post live on my blog, was this:
You’ve written and published a book. It’s getting good reviews and positive feedback. So that means that the crippling fear of writing the first draft of your next book is gone for good, right? Sadly, no. Just as bad as ever. #amwriting #amwritingfantasy
— David Mullin (@david_mullin) August 8, 2018
This is a prime example of how common it is. It happens. And, most likely, it’s something you are either experiencing right now, or will experience some time in your life.
I posted the following in a board game group on Facebook yesterday in response to someone feeling down about their work. Basically, it was a typical case of imposter syndrome. A different person responded to my post, saying it was exactly what she needed to hear just then. I don’t tend to write long posts in public groups, because that’s just not who I am. I don’t like to share my feelings with strangers. But this time, I’m glad I did, because someone benefitted from it. And so, in an attempt to perhaps help one more person out there, I’m posting it here, too. I hope you find comfort in something I said.
Battling Imposter Syndrome
It’s a real thing and happens to everyone (especially those in the creative field). As a writer, I feel the effects of imposter syndrome all the time. It makes it difficult when I submit my stories to publications and receive constant rejections. And it can be hard to keep submitting. But, as I’ve learned, unless my work actually is absolute garbage (which I don’t believe it is), there is a market for it somewhere. Somebody wants—needs—what I have to offer. I just haven’t found them yet.
In fact, I’ve been unemployed since January (it’s August 9 as of this posting). Having no luck in finding work all this time makes me question whether I’m good enough at what I do. But I’ve had successes enough to know that I am good at what I do. Still, it can be hard when the fruits of my efforts aren’t immediately validated.
Some things take time. I try to keep in mind that even Brandon Sanderson didn’t sell a book until his sixth one (which, still, is probably not a lot, all things considered, but even he, who I consider a master writer, took some time to get published).
Aside from writing and editing, I design board games and do video work. Now, my foray into game design is relatively new, so I’m not freaking out about not having a game ready to go before the next convention. Video production, however, has been a part of me for nearly twenty years now. And I’m still terrified that people will soon realize that I have no idea what I’m doing and call me out on it. Deep down, however, I know that I’m good at scripting, directing, shooting, and editing video. Are there videographers that are better than I am? Sure! But that doesn’t mean I’m bad. It doesn’t mean I’m not really good at it, either. Just because we have Spielbergs and Peter Jacksons and J.J. Abramses making wonderful and amazing films doesn’t mean that I’m not qualified (over qualified, even) for what I do. But human nature, being what it is, has a way of crippling its host with self doubt.
Don’t listen to that voice. Sure, that’s much easier said than done. But it can be done, and it must be done. Am I a good writer, editor, videographer, father, friend, person, etc.? I like to think so for a lot of those, and I know I am for others on that list as well. That’s not to say it’s easy to ignore the nagging voice of doubt and succumb to debilitating depression, anxiety, and other unwanted emotions. It’s hard.
Did you know that many published and successful authors feel the same way? Many successful designers (board game or otherwise) feel imposter syndrome when we, as outsiders, practically worship the ground they walk on. It happens. It’s natural.
But having those negative thoughts doesn’t automatically make them true.
Try not to compare yourself to others. Each person/designer/author/etc. is different, and therefore has different strengths and weaknesses. They also find success at different rates. While we like to romanticize celebrities, wistfully longing for an easy life like theirs (spoilers: their lives aren’t easy, either), just remember that it took them lots of work to get where they are. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your success come to life overnight.
That said, you already are successful. Have you ever written something, like a novel, novelette, short story, or flash fiction? You have? Great! You did it! You’re a success! Or maybe you designed a small game you and your family like to play. Or that fun little video for your little cousin’s birthday party. Not all successes are life-shattering. In fact, I dare say that life-shattering successes are exceedingly rare. But, just like how Rome was built, your successes will get bigger and bigger (with some smaller ones thrown in there for good measure) until you reach the point you want to be at.
And then, once there, you could very well still feel like an imposter, waiting for someone to rip off your mask and reveal you to the world as a fake. While it may be difficult for some of us to rid ourselves of those thoughts completely, just know that when they do come, chances are it’s because you really did do something wonderful.
Basically, keep on keeping on. Try not to compare yourself to others. You have done (and are doing) great things, and always remember those things. Failures make our successes that much sweeter, and that much better, as well.
You have a lot of people rooting for you. Keep your chin up and push through. You got this.